


Navy Blues

by Sherwhotreksings



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: 5x20, Alternate Universe - Navy, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-05 23:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6727081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherwhotreksings/pseuds/Sherwhotreksings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma says goodbye to Killian as he goes on his next tour of duty in the Navy. A short drabble after last night's episode pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Her Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the name is a horrible horrible pun, which I am only sort of sorry about.

Her heart hurts. She’s about to send the love of her life off on his third sea bound tour of duty, one he probably won’t survive. It isn’t fair that he gets called back when there are so many other active Naval officers in Boston to call on, ones that would jump at the chance to lead a crew into war. Yet they still summoned him, claiming he was one of the best commanding officers they had. They offered him a promotion to Commander and a review for Captain status if he survives the full tour. They say the Navy is for people without a family. She understands why that is. Gone for six months or more at a time, tours lasting three to five years or more if they’re good. Killian was great. 

She met him over a year ago when he was working on the base, cold and inwardly devastated from years of losses. She, of course, was the same and they somehow fell in love despite the walls and armor and  _ heartache _ between them.  

The day he got that letter requesting that he go on another tour was horrible. He had told her to leave him while she was untouched by the effects of war and the Navy, but she didn’t listen. She never does. It only made them cling closer together for the brief time they had left. 

“Our time was always numbered,” he whispers, face pressed to hers.

“I don’t want to say goodbye.” Her tears drip onto his shoulder. 

“Don’t. Please. If I-” he pauses not able to finish the sentence, “Move on from me. Find someone else to make you happy. Promise?” He steps back from her. “Until we meet again, Swan.” he continues, stepping forward again and crashing his lips against hers in a soul crushing kiss.

She has no words. Nothing to say to reassure either of them and neither does he.

“I love you.” He grasps at her hand as he’s forced to walk further up the gangplank. 

“I love you, too,” it comes out as a shouted sob.

Somehow she’s still standing. Somehow she’s making it through this last goodbye as his ship departs the dock.

It’s such a depressing phrase. “If he survives,” Emma repeats to herself quietly on the pier as she continues to wave to the, now, small dot on the horizon. She has hope they’ll meet again, if not in this lifetime, then the next. 


	2. Her Lungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add another chapter. This snuck up on me for sure, I wasn't expecting to write a part two

Her lungs ache. She thought they would make it through this. She thought that with less than a month left, things would be okay, but she got cocky and let herself  _ hope _ and now it’s all crumbling around her. 20 days. He only had 20 days. 20 days until she got to see him again. 20 days until their life could resume. 20 days until she could breathe again. Now she’ll likely never breathe again. 

She knows why the Navy isn’t for people who have family. It’s because things like this happen and men in uniforms show up on your front step, hats in hand. She knew instantly who the car pulling into her driveway was. She hoped it was Killian, coming back early, but knew deep in her gut that it was, in fact, the opposite. 

He’s just standing on the step. He rang the doorbell, but she doesn’t have the heart to open the door. She’s just standing, staring. 

“Emma,” the officer says quietly when she finally opens the door.

Everyone knows her at the base because everyone knew Killian.

“Come in.” She lets him walk past her into her living room. 

He motions for her to sit, yet he remains standing, hands clasped in front of her. “ The Secretary of the Army has asked me to express his deep regret that your husband, Killian, is missing in action as of November 23rd. There was a storm that wrecked the ship as they were coming home. When the rescue ship arrived on the scene, he was nowhere to be found.”

She thought it was hard to breathe before, now it’s impossible.

“Every other officer recovered said he saved them all. The Secretary extends his deepest sympathy to you and your family in your tragic loss.” The officer steps back as the slight in stature reverend steps forward to comfort her. 

She’s not okay and she’ll likely never be okay again. He warned her what war does to a person, how it rips them apart and consumes their lives. He warned her that it takes and takes and takes. It took his fiance, it took his brother, it took his best friend. It was only a matter of time until it took him too.

Her hand brushes his favorite blanket and she recalls the last time her hand touched his, on the pier when he left. She can still feel that moment as vividly as when it first happened. She can still feel the way his fingers brushed the back of her hand. That was the last time she’ll ever hear him say I love you, and it kills her.  


	3. Her Brain

Her brain can’t process what she’s looking at. She thinks she’s staring at her dead husband, but that can’t be right. He died at sea. She was sent a flag, the one folded and framed above her mantle. He can’t be standing in his dress whites outside her house. He can’t be there… and yet… he is.

She throws open her front door and runs to him in a full out sprint, collapsing against his chest. She reaches up to take his face in her hands to reassure herself that he’s here and he’s  _ alive _ . Even though she can feel his soft skin coupled with the harshness of his scruff, she doesn’t believe he’s in front of her.

“Emma. Love.” He’s trying to bring her back to reality because yes, this is reality.

Those two small words have never made her so happy. Sobs wrack her body as she steps back and cries into her hands. 

“I’m home. I’m safe. I’m yours again.” He wraps his arms around her, letting her cry into his shoulder, not caring if she stains his dress uniform, or whether or not it’s against the code of conduct to hug her first. 

She squeaks out, “I thought you were dead.” 

“I thought I was too. I’m so sorry, love. I’m sorry.” He sounds choked up, but everything is too blurred to see if he actually is. 

She knows they must be quite a sight. The widowed neighbor crying in the arms of her presumed-to-be-dead husband who has somehow come back to life. They really should go inside, but she doesn’t have the strength to move. 

He brushes her hair, matted to her face from her tears, and tucks it behind her ears. “I was helping people into lifeboats when a wave knocked me overboard and a current pulled me under. I remember being tossed around and then blacking out. After that all I can remember is clinging to a floating piece of something or other as a passenger ship cruised past and spotted me. The rest doesn’t really matter. All I could think about getting back to you.” He’s crying now, she can feel it. He does what she normally does when words fail her.

His kiss is like magic bringing her to life and jump-starting her soul. She almost forgot the way he kisses, how he wraps his arm around her waist, how he tangles his hand in her hair. She’s eternally grateful she’ll never have to forget it again. She’s eternally grateful she’ll never have to forget the way he looks at her, the way her name sounds on his lips. She’s eternally grateful she gets to spend this lifetime with him and the next. 


End file.
